ref: b39057dffedac61fd6c028908a9aaadf4426b446
dir: /lib/ebooks/devils/B.html/
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "+//ISBN 0-9673008-1-9//DTD OEB 1.0 Document//EN"
"http://openebook.org/dtds/oeb-1.0/oebdoc1.dtd">
<html>
<head>
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/x-oeb1-document; charset=utf-8" />
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/x-oeb1-css" href="devil.css" />
<title>The Devil’s Dictionary: B</title>
</head>
<body lang="en-US">
<h1>B</h1>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">Baal,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An old deity formerly
much worshiped under various names.
As Baal he was popular with the Phoenicians; as Belus or Bel he had the honor to
be served by the priest Berosus, who wrote the famous account of the Deluge;
as Babel he had a tower partly erected to his glory on the Plain of Shinar. From Babel comes our English word
“babble.” Under whatever name worshiped,
Baal is the Sun-god. As Beelzebub he is the god of flies, which are begotten
of the sun’s rays on the stagnant water. In Physicia Baal is still
worshiped as Bolus, and as Belly he is adored and served with abundant
sacrifice by the priests of Guttledom.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">babe</span> or <span class="def">baby,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A
misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or
condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and
antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion. There
have been famous babes; for example, little Moses, from whose adventure in the
bulrushes the Egyptian hierophants of seven centuries before doubtless derived
their idle tale of the child Osiris being preserved on a floating lotus leaf.</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<p class="poind3">Ere babes were invented</p>
<p class="poind3">The girls were contended.</p>
<p class="poind3">Now man is tormented</p>
<p class="po">Until to buy babes he has squandered</p>
<p class="po">His money. And so I have pondered</p>
<p class="poind3">This thing, and thought may be</p>
<p class="poind3">’T were better that Baby</p>
<p class="po">The First had been eagled or condored.</p>
<p class="citeauth">Ro Amil.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">Bacchus,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A convenient
deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">Is public worship, then, a sin,</p>
<p class="poind2">That for devotions paid to Bacchus</p>
<p class="po">The lictors dare to run us in,</p>
<p class="poind2">And resolutely thump and whack us?</p>
<p class="citeauth">Jorace.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">back,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> That part of your
friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">backbite,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To speak of a man as
you find him when he can’t find you.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bait,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A preparation
that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty.</p>
<p id="baptism" class="entry"><span class="def">baptism,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A sacred rite of
such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever.
It is performed with water in two ways by immersion, or plunging, and by aspersion, or sprinkling.</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">But whether the plan of immersion</p>
<p class="po">Is better than simple aspersion</p>
<p class="poind1">Let those immersed</p>
<p class="poind1">And those aspersed</p>
<p class="po">Decide by the Authorized Version,</p>
<p class="po">And by matching their agues tertian.</p>
<p class="citeauth">G. J.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">barometer,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An ingenious
instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">barrack,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A house in which
soldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">basilisk,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The cockatrice.
A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a bad eye, and its glance was
fatal. Many infidels deny this creature’s existence, but Semprello Aurator saw and handled one
that had been blinded by lightning as a punishment for having fatally gazed on
a lady of rank whom Jupiter loved. Juno afterward restored the reptile’s
sight and hid it in a cave. Nothing is so well attested by the ancients as
the existence of the basilisk, but the cocks have stopped laying.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bastinado,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The act of walking
on wood without exertion.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bath,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A kind of mystic ceremony
substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">The man who taketh a steam bath</p>
<p class="po">He loseth all the skin he hath,</p>
<p class="po">And, for he’s boiled a brilliant red,</p>
<p class="po">Thinketh to cleanliness he’s wed,</p>
<p class="po">Forgetting that his lungs he’s soiling</p>
<p class="po">With dirty vapors of the boiling.</p>
<p class="citeauth">Richard Gwow.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">battle,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A method of untying
with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">beard,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The hair that is commonly
cut off by those who justly execrate the absurd Chinese custom of shaving the head.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">beauty,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The power by which a woman
charms a lover and terrifies a husband.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">befriend,</span> <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To make an ingrate.</p>
<p class="entry" id="beg"><span class="def">beg,</span> <span class="pos">v.</span> To ask for something with
an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">Who is that, father?</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po" style="text-align: right">A mendicant, child,</p>
<p class="po">Haggard, morose, and unaffable—wild!</p>
<p class="po">See how he glares through the bars of his cell!</p>
<p class="po">With Citizen Mendicant all is not well.</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">Why did they put him there, father?</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po" style="text-align: right">Because</p>
<p class="po">Obeying his belly he struck at the laws.</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">His belly?</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po" style="text-align: right">Oh, well, he was starving, my boy—</p>
<p class="po">A state in which, doubtless, there’s little of joy.</p>
<p class="po">No bite had he eaten for days, and his cry</p>
<p class="po">Was “Bread!” ever “Bread!”</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po" style="text-align: right">What’s the matter with pie?</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">With little to wear, he had nothing to sell;</p>
<p class="po">To beg was unlawful—improper as well.</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">Why didn’t he work?</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po" style="text-align: right">He would even have done that,</p>
<p class="po">But men said: “Get out!” and the State remarked:</p>
<p class="po">“Scat!”</p>
<p class="po">I mention these incidents merely to show</p>
<p class="po">That the vengeance he took was uncommonly low.</p>
<p class="po">Revenge, at the best, is the act of a Siou,</p>
<p class="po">But for trifles—</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po" style="text-align: right">Pray what did bad Mendicant do?</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">Stole two loaves of bread to replenish his lack</p>
<p class="po">And tuck out the belly that clung to his back.</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">Is that <i>all</i> father dear?</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po" style="text-align: right">There’s little to tell:</p>
<p class="po">They sent him to jail, and they’ll send him to—well,</p>
<p class="po">The company’s better than here we can boast,</p>
<p class="po">And there’s—</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po" style="text-align: center">Bread for the needy, dear father?</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po" style="text-align: right">Um—toast.</p>
<p class="citeauth">Atka Mip.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">beggar,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> One who has relied
on the assistance of his friends.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">behavior,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Conduct, as determined,
not by principle, but by breeding. The word seems to be somewhat loosely used in Dr. Jamrach Holobom’s
translation of the following lines from the <i>Dies Iræ</i>:</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<div xml:lang="la">
<p class="poind2">Recordare, Jesu pie,</p>
<p class="poind2">Quod sum causa tuae viæ.</p>
<p class="poind2">Ne me perdas illa die.</p></div>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">Pray remember, sacred Savior,</p>
<p class="po">Whose the thoughtless hand that gave your</p>
<p class="po">Death-blow. Pardon such behavior.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">Belladonna,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> In Italian a beautiful
lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">Benedictines,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An order of monks
otherwise known as black friars.</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be</p>
<p class="poind1">A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text.</p>
<p class="po">“Here’s one of an order of cooks,” said she—</p>
<p class="poind1">“Black friars in this world, fried black in the next.”</p>
<p class="citeauth">“The Devil on Earth” <span style="font-style: normal">(<i>London</i>, 1712.)</span></p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">benefactor,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> One who makes
heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within
the means of all.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">Berenice’s Hair,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A constellation
(<span xml:lang="la"><i>Coma Berenices</i></span>) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to
save her husband.</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">Her locks an ancient lady gave</p>
<p class="po">Her loving husband’s life to save;</p>
<p class="po">And men—they honored so the dame—</p>
<p class="po">Upon some stars bestowed her name.</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">But to our modern married fair,</p>
<p class="po">Who’d give their lords to save their hair,</p>
<p class="po">No stellar recognition’s given.</p>
<p class="po">There are not stars enough in heaven.</p>
<p class="citeauth">G. J.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bigamy,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A mistake in taste
for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bigot,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> One who is obstinately
and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">billingsgate,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The invective of
an opponent.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">birth,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The first and direst of
all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born
from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in
the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It
is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon
was the son of a cavern in Mount Ætna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">blackguard,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A man whose qualities,
prepared for display like a box of berries in a market—the fine ones on top—have been opened on the wrong
side. An inverted gentleman.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">blank-verse,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> Unrhymed iambic
pentameters—the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected
by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">body-snatcher,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A robber of grave-worms.
One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.
The hyena.</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">“One night,” a doctor said, “last fall,</p>
<p class="po">I and my comrades, four in all,</p>
<p class="poind1">When visiting a graveyard stood</p>
<p class="po">Within the shadow of a wall.</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">“While waiting for the moon to sink</p>
<p class="po">We saw a wild hyena slink</p>
<p class="poind1">About a new-made grave, and then</p>
<p class="po">Begin to excavate its brink!</p>
</div>
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">“Shocked by the horrid act, we made</p>
<p class="po">A sally from our ambuscade,</p>
<p class="poind1">And, falling on the unholy beast,</p>
<p class="po">Dispatched him with a pick and spade.”</p>
<p class="citeauth">Bettel K. Jhones.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bondsman,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A fool who, having
property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third.</p>
<p class="indentpara">Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute
nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give. “I need no
bondsmen,” he replied, “for I can give you my word of honor.” “And
pray what may be the value of that?” inquired the amused Regent. “Monsieur, it
is worth its weight in gold.”</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bore,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A person who talks
when you wish him to listen.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">botany,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The science of
vegetables—those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with
their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bottle-nosed,</span> <span class="pos">adj.</span> Having a
nose created in the image of its maker.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">boundary,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> In political
geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from
the imaginary rights of the other.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bounty,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> The liberality
of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.</p>
<p class="quote">A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The
supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator’s bounty in providing
for the lives of His creatures.—<i>Henry Ward Beecher</i></p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">brahma,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> He who created
the Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu and destroyed by Siva—a rather neater division of labor
than is found among the deities of some other nations. The Abracadabranese, for example, are created
by Sin, maintained by Theft and destroyed by Folly. The priests of Brahma, like those of Abracadabranese,
are holy and learned men who are never naughty.</p>
<blockquote class="poem">
<div class="stanza">
<p class="po">O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity,</p>
<p class="po">First Person of the Hindoo Trinity,</p>
<p class="po">You sit there so calm and securely,</p>
<p class="po">With feet folded up so demurely—</p>
<p class="po">You’re the First Person Singular, surely.</p>
<p class="citeauth">Polydore Smith.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">brain,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> An apparatus with which
we think what we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to <i>be</i> something from
the man who wishes to <i>do</i> something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked
into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is
rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">brandy,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A cordial composed of
one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave
and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of
heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">bride,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> A woman with a fine prospect
of happiness behind her.</p>
<p class="entry"><span class="def">brute,</span> <span class="pos">n.</span> See
<a href="H.html#husband"><span class="def">husband</span></a>.</p>
</body>
</html>